User blog:NovaTsukimori/I'm tired of expressing how I feel subtly, so I'll just outright say it

Part of why I started on D-ZERO or, well, Zeroverse in general, was because I wanted to subtly express myself in writing, to let people know how I feel. Using my voice is actually a mental challenge for me, as I can't use that to express how I am. Text seems to work better for me for some reason. Anyway, if you've noticed, I stopped making cards for the new Maria Structure Deck and Tidal Madness, even going as far as to delete that set.To be honest, I tried to give the Maria hype lately because I was hoping I'd go back to enjoying myself or at least trying to like I was at the end of 2015. But I couldn't. Every day lately, it feels like the world keeps getting grayer and grayer. Every time I smile, I want to cry. I'm not trying to be  edgy or anything, and God forbid if someone just dismisses this for being that. I also started Zeroverse because I wanted to write a story for my cards. I had an interest in making cards, and I always loved when cards had a story to follow up on. But lately, I just can't get myself to make them. I'm having a hard time writing, making cards, or....really ejoying a lot of the things I used to do. My ex usually just brings up the "well you just have to use your voice" excuse. "You haven't given it a chance", he says, but no. I don't exactly know what's wrong, and at this point, I've stopped caring. I can't just turn around and be happy for someone like nothing's going on either. I don't feel like I'm being heard. I don't feel like I will ever be heard. I say all I want is death, but people deny that as a possible thought for me. I'm just waiting for God to tell me my time has come and I can move on to the next life. Everything in life begins to slow down.